‘ Parenting is not a side-hustle. It is our main job. We don’t have to fail at parenting because God has equipped us for parenting in this time and season.’
This weekend, we hosted the Teen-parents Forum where we discussed the feedback of teenagers from the heART Concert and had frank conversations focused on helping parents gain a better understanding of who their teenagers are and how to help them become who God has called them to be.
We set the tone for the forum by sharing a video titled, “My Son’s Suicide Note will Change your Life Today,’ The 9+ minutes video told the sad story of a father whose 14-year old son had committed suicide. A year and half into his journey of loss and grieve, the father decided to take on the mission of telling his son’s story and ending teenage-suicide by the year 2030.
As parents of teenagers, we all have stories to tell about our children. Some of these stories will leave a smile on our face and others will remind us of the need to be more present and engaged with our teenagers. Regardless of where you fall on this spectrum, it is never too late for you to work on your relationship with your teenagers.
Here are some important tips and insights to keep in mind as you parent your teenager::
- The style for parenting children in their teenage-phase is very different from the style used when they were between the ages of 0 – 12 years. In the teenage phase, you are no longer just ‘the instructor.’ In addition to being ‘the parent’, you become a guide, mentor and friend to your teenager.
- Work on your marriage and be intentional about building a healthy home. Don’t add to the pressure and tension your teens are already dealing with by making them worry about the state of the home and the family. Also, remember that your children will replicate your marriage.
- In a bid to hold open, honest and vulnerable conversations with your teens, don’t dump your emotions on them, that is, overwhelm them with your emotional issues without concern for their own emotional boundaries or well-being.
- Deliberately build a friendship with your teens. Be genuinely interested in who they are, what they like, what they feel and what they think.
- Learn the conversational styles of your teens. Find out the best time to have deep conversations and pay close attention in moments when your teens feel uncomfortable with certain statements or jokes. Learn the love language of your teens and be deliberate about speaking it.
- Patience. Patience. Patience. Learn to be patient with your teenagers because they are in a phase of life where they are discovering who they are and how the world operates. They are bound to make mistakes and this is why they need us to guide them.
- Don’t compare your teenagers with other children. Celebrate their uniqueness. Never use ‘shame’ as a corrective measure but correct them in love and always remind them of God’s word concerning them.
When it comes to parenting our teenagers, the stakes are really high but the good news is that we don’t have to do it all alone. We have the Holy Spirit to guide and help us. Today, ask Him to partner with you in raising your teenagers according to God’s design for their life.
If there are certain mistakes you have made in raising your teenagers, it is not too late to repair your relationship with them. Ask the Holy Spirit for the wisdom and humility needed to correct the wrongs and start on a clean slate with your teenagers.
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Our sincere prayer for you is that God will grant the strength, wisdom and courage needed to raise your teenagers and your teens will grow in stature, favour and in the knowledge of Christ.
Amen!
